To Everyone Else

To everyone else I was no more than

A body.

A shell.

A 118 pound piece of warm smooth skin and

Sexy hair with the bright eyes to match.

But I was not a person

With thoughts and feelings

Or hopes and dreams.

The bones that hold me up were simply

Bones.

Not a map of my life,

Or a piece of my past.

Just bones.

To everyone else I was a

Jumping off point, a beginning,

A starting line.

And we all know where this race ends.

Some form of ‘I love you’ may have been uttered,

But actions speak louder than words,

And their hands did not hold love.

Not that night, nor any of the nights after.

 To all the other boys,

I was the friction they needed for a moment

And the excuse they needed to ignore everything else.

And if they held me just a second longer

Their wildest dreams would come true.

And they always did!

It wasn’t about me, what I wanted

Or needed.

It was about them getting lost

In me.

Contact or conversation;

Let’s always choose the former.

I thought that’s how relationships were.

With everyone else but you—

And there it is!

Who knew what it felt like to be held?

Not like an object and

Not like a replacement.

Like a woman, like a person.

I was more than a body to push against—

I was just me. Just crazy. Just okay.

And that’s why you were there.

That one night, you know the one,

I had thought I knew the meaning of “cherish”.

I was wrong.

Side by side on the blanket,

Mouths open and hearts even bigger.

You kissed me, and then paused—

We each breathed in and out,

Recycling the air between us,

Suspended in a perfect second—

The pause said more than words.

To everyone but you, I wasn’t supposed to speak up.

Unless it was to say “okay”.

I think you loved my words

More than my body.

To everyone else but you,

My name was a number.

With you, I didn’t have everything I wanted—

But at least I had a name.